Children of God
by Izzu
Summary: The moment Bidam saw the content of King Jinheung's last edict, everything he thought he knew about Lady Mishil came crashing down.


Izzu: Honestly I have no idea what was the theme of this piece, but I just wanted to write about Bidam and Mishil's relationship even if it killed me. Also... because the song kept bothering me to write something. Yeap, the song just wrapped every feelings I had for Mishil and Bidam. I just can't vomit enough words to put it all in here.

* * *

Children of God

by Izzu

o

o

Mother...

To think, for the last twenty years or so... he never questioned on why was he never told of who his mother had been. Of who his father really was? He never questioned it. He never did... for some reason. He never really thought he needed such figure in his life.

Yet that time when he was tasked to try convincing Mishil to fall into their ploy to allow Deokman to enter the palace, he had immediately felt drawn to her. It was not because Lady Mishil was a beautiful woman, but there was something... about her that called out to him. And it didn't help that he could think exactly the way she did. Her charisma... her boldness in trying to oppose Deokman with everything she had—everything about Lady Mishil made him wanted to admire her.

And then, he found out that Lady Mishil was his own mother. And it hurt him so. Seeing how she cared about Hojong... Bojong... and none of it was spared for him. It hurt.

He wanted to run to her, tell her outright that he was her son—asking her to acknowledged him as her own; yet he couldn't do that.

At one point, siding with the Princess and opposing his own mother didn't feel like something that would have caused him great conflict. Why would he care for a parent who had abandoned him when he was barely several months old? Why should he care for a parent who still did not acknowledged him as her own blood despite the many times he gave her hints that he _knew_?

But then, there was that time when Lady Mishil asked him to accompany her on a brief excursion. When she held him fondly, telling him stories of her youths... being at ease with each other as if they haven't been fighting at an opposing sides. That one moment when his only wish was to spend more time by her side; as a son, without the complications of Lady Mishil's conflicts against the Princess. As well as that time when Lady Mishil ordered Yeomjeong to take him far away, as she plot to take over the throne.

His resolve had shaken then. Those two instances... made him wonder if Lady Mishil did somehow cared about him. Because why then... didn't she kill him instead? He was one of Princess Deokman's strongest warrior... it would have been a disadvantage to her if she let him live. Because she abandoned him once... it wouldn't have mattered if she abandoned him again, now.

But she had him sent away.

And that time, it wasn't Hojong or Bojong that kept her company when she was at her most vulnerable. When she was feeling at a lost over the things that Princess Deokman and Lord Chunchu said prior.

It was _him_. Him, the unwanted child. The son that was abandoned years past! Trying to choose to side between his own mother or his love started to become hard since then.

xxx

He wondered if the edict was meant for him to see; recalling how Seohwa had been wary at him for having any interest on it. But then if it was... why would his mother left an edict ordering her death to a son she abandoned as a baby? Why should something like this be...?

Seeing from the Princess' point of view, he saw his mother as a charismatic woman who did everything she could to maintain the power she had in her grasp, at the cost of others. Yes, she had loved many men... and used them to her advantage. She was very manipulative. But after knowing the content of the edict, everything he knew about his mother came crashing down. Now, to him... his mother was just a woman who tried her best to keep herself alive!

Of course... there are things that her mother did that was cruel. And perhaps there were things that she didn't ordered, yet done by the people that cherished her... that she held responsibility of. Of all the bad things his mother have done; all of that wouldn't have been excused just because of the edict yet... after reading what was written there, he wondered if it was possible for his mother to not do all those things and survived? Because despite the bad things she did, his mother had done a lot for the country. Yet just because her love for the country and her king were misunderstood... she was treated to such a cruel fate. As if the good things that she'd done before were deemed void. As if the only thing his mother cared about was becoming a ruler.

Yet when his own mother refused to admit that he was also one of her precious sons, what right has he to even beg for mercy for her sake? Or even admit that he was ever her son?

xxx

He felt as if he was being punished. For lying to the princess. Why else would she made him be the one to send the message to his mother? To ask for a parley—no, _forced _her for a meeting using a ruse that he himself suggested? Not only her way of forcing him to become the envoy was really cold... but the way he was also received harshly by Lady Mishil hurt him a lot.

Yet he didn't mind that.

He just wished that the negotiation had ended well. Because he couldn't bear it to have to fight on a side opposing his own family. Now that he started to see it from Lady Mishil's point of view. Knowing the reason why so many men followed her lead and desired to protect her. And perhaps this was a wish from an unworthy child not wanting harm to fall on his own sire. Of not wanting any more cruelty to touch his mother...

But it didn't.

xxx

He thought that telling her about the edict could change her mind. He only wanted that from her, he didn't really want to reveal the edict's content at all!

But mother still refused to change her stance...

He wanted to say something more... but his voice seemed to be lost. His mind blank, no words could cross his thoughts to try convincing her to take the easier path. Only his tears kept falling.

Lady Mishil came close, seemingly to try caressing the side of his face yet not touching him. For a moment he hoped that she would embrace him but as soon as the thought arose, it fleetingly flew by. His mother turned away; yet his feet refused to move after her. And he continued to cry.

_They were supposed to be all children of God, yet why weren't He on their side? Must they just accept this cruel fate bestowed on them and continued threading on it till their last breath? Couldn't he even save his mother from the cruel fate she was in?_

As Bidam tearfully stood still, the proud figure of the former Royal Heavenly Maiden walked away. Lady Mishil. Silla's keeper of the Royal Seal and Wonhwa of the Hwarangs.

His mother.


End file.
